Fighting Different Wars: A Transgender Veteran's Path to Equality

Here at Crayon Box Politics we put all of our efforts into researching difficult, hot button issues and finding the common ground between all sides. We take pride in all the time and research we put into every subject that we tackle. With that being said, there is one thing here that we agree on wholeheartedly and that is when it comes to human and civil rights issues there is no room for compromise and we will not back down from our position on this. Also, with that being said I’m not going to waste my time and energy on giving you facts from hours of

research, because this is more so about me and my life. That and we and others have already done so countless times and many have failed to even consider how they view things as being wrong in any way.

When our founder tasked me with writing my own “opinion” piece it was challenging to say the least. Why was it so challenging you may ask. Well for one it’s over my life and the life of many people that I care about and for two that would be not only opening up to personal attacks to our founder and myself, but to our families as well. After much thought and even a few debates, I have chosen to go ahead and move forward with this piece.

Since everyone here doesn’t know me, let me start off by introducing myself on a first name basis. My name is Avery and I am a 100% disabled Afghanistan Veteran. I spent eight years in the Army before getting out. I have an amazing wife of almost nine years and an almost eleven year old daughter on the spectrum. Carl and I have been good friends for many years and this isn’t our first project we have worked on and won’t be our last either. I know many of you right now are like well that’s all fine and good, what’s the big deal with that? Well let me fill you in on what only my close friends and family know. I’m transgender. I have been for as long as I can remember, even before coming out as a lesbian in college I knew something else was going on, but because I knew no one else like me I had no idea who I really was. I only knew that my brain and body did not match up.

When I was asked to think back on my life and pinpoint exactly when I knew I wasn’t like everyone else, including just being a lesbian, I would have to say in early childhood. We all grow up day dreaming of who we are, who we want to be, who we want to marry, what we want to wear, and all of those things are normal for kids, but for me it was different. I didn’t day dream or even dream of boys, dresses, dolls, or even about myself in the body I was born with. You see for as far back as I can remember, my brain always cast me out as being a boy and I was going

to grow up and get married to an amazing and beautiful wife.

The only problem with all that though was I was a biological girl and girls aren’t supposed to do or think these things. I did what most of us in the community do at first. We push these thoughts and feelings away and try our damnedest to blend in. The only issue with that is I began to truly hate myself and my family for that. I tried so hard to date “the boy next door” and tried to wear those dresses. It got so bad that I ran off to a college hours away from my family and my boyfriend's family. We, of course, broke up and I began to drink heavily.

I came out as a lesbian and hated myself a little less, but still did not understand what was going on between my brain and my body. I still saw myself as just different. Then I learned that what I was going through and experiencing was what is called being transgender. We hear about it often now but back then growing up I had never heard of that term before. It took hearing and learning about that term to realize that’s exactly who I was.

I was halfway through my enlistment in the military and decided I was going to start transitioning and that’s exactly what I did. I started out going about it all the wrong way and may have caused myself more harm in the long run. What makes me so mad about all of this is if I had known about myself sooner and received gender affirming care sooner I wouldn’t have had a drinking problem in college, I wouldn’t have had to hide myself for so long, I wouldn’t have wanted to end my life, and I wouldn’t have hated myself to the point of wanting to be just that…dead.

The main arguments that I keep hearing over and over and over again are about people having regrets and how parents are pushing what they want on their children. I can’t speak for everyone but the ones I have talked to and myself regret very few things when it comes to transitioning. Mainly, it’s the lack of care we are given, the cost of it all, and how little we learned about ourselves growing up.

No one wants to teach kids anything for fear of pushing them one way or the other. Here’s a well known fact that’s not a secret…we are born this way. No one can decide to be gay anymore than deciding they are straight. It’s just who you are. Sure you will find someone every once in a while who tries to fit in and go one way or the other, but that also comes back to it being none of your business who someone loves.

Trust me when I say no one WANTS to be gay anymore than they WANT to be transgender. If those who argue against the LGBTQIA honestly believe that we want to live our lives hated taunted by hate speech covering all sorts of topics up to and including that we would be better off dead then maybe they should seek the mental help that we already forced to seek out because dealing with you all is traumatic.

This brings me to the other argument and I will start by saying that I love my child and will love them unconditionally no matter who they are or who they love. With that being said, my wife and I don’t show PDA in front of her. We never have and probably never will. We want her to decide for herself who she is, but we also teach her to treat everyone equally. We pass as a straight couple. If you walked into me you would think I’m like every other white cisgendered male out there. We still don’t do pda and don’t let anyone else gay or straight do so either. If it's out in public then it becomes a it is what it is type of thing. Do we take her to pride? Yes and will

continue to do so. Do we take her to drag shows? Yes, if it is family friendly. When she was born she was surrounded by drag queens and kings. Many of us in the LGBTQ community are so used to being outcasts that we don’t turn anyone away nor do we seek out to hurt anyone.

With all of that being said, we have hoped and prayed that our child grows up straight. Why do we wish that? Well I have a couple different reasons. The main reason, I don’t want her to put up with or go through the hell that her mother and I have had to go through in our lives. The other reason is that she is already going through so much being developmentally challenged, that I do not want one more than going against her in her life. She is so innocent and kind and she doesn’t need anyone making her life any more difficult than it already is.

Lastly, I want to end this piece by saying to those who are in the LGBTQIA community, you are seen and heard by us here at CBP . We will keep supporting and sticking up for you in any way we can. If you need to talk to anyone send us an email and we will get back to you as soon as we can. If you are struggling and need help please reach out to someone and get the help that you need. NEVER GIVE UP HOPE! The world will change, we just need you around Long enough for you to see those changes. I want to leave my favorite quote here with you. It’s one that has stayed with me since high school and when things get hard I remind myself of it and I hope that maybe it will help you during the times of doubt and feeling like the world is crashing in on you.

OUR DEEPEST FEAR By Marianne Williamson Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves,“Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.